Memory……Real or Not

Posted by Brenda Yoho
memory real or not graphic of question mark next to silhouette of head with gears for a brain

Beep, beep, beep... My eyes begin to open, and the view is cloudy. I struggle to make sense of my surroundings, my vision blurred. Through the haze, I manage to discern the outline of a face, a machine, and another face. The sound of voices reaches my ears, overlapping and indistinct. Panic sets in as I search for familiarity.

Then, amidst the confusion, I catch a glimpse of my husband's worried expression. A surge of relief washes over me, but it is quickly replaced by a wave of uncertainty. I am not home. Where am I? Questions flood my mind, but the words refuse to form on my lips.

More sounds permeate the room, blending together into a symphony of disarray. Amidst the cacophony, a voice breaks through, urging me to provide information. I strain to comprehend the words and manage to grasp the question. "Tell me your name," the voice requests.

"Brenda," I manage to whisper, my voice frail and barely audible. It feels strange, as if my own name is unfamiliar to me. Confusion grips me tightly as I struggle to remember even the simplest details about myself.

The voice persists, its tone gentle yet insistent. "How old are you?" it asks. I hesitate, attempting to grasp onto the fragments of my memory. "Twenty-seven, I think," I reply, the uncertainty evident in my voice. It feels like an approximation, a guess from the depths of my foggy consciousness.

The barrage of questions continues, the voice seeking to uncover the extent of my disorientation. "Do you know where you are?" it probes. A chilling realization washes over me, magnifying the unease within. "No," I admit, my voice trembling. The hospital. I am in a hospital, but the reasons elude me.

And then, the final blow falls. "Do you know what happened?" The voice hangs in the air, heavy with anticipation. The words reverberate within me, causing a surge of fear and frustration. "No," I whisper, my voice tinged with despair. The truth evades me, hidden behind the fog of my fragmented consciousness.

With each passing moment, the weight of my injuries becomes more apparent. My body feels heavy, my eyelids drooping. Exhaustion takes hold, and my eyes begin to close, succumbing to the pull of darkness once again.

The funny thing about the memory I just shared is that I am retelling it from my husband's memory as he shared it with me. I watched him retell the story, and I could see the fear, heartbreak, and anxiety he had as he recounted that time. The strange part is, I have no memory at all of the accident, the time spent in the hospital, or even coming back home. My recollection of events is incredibly hazy, and if I do have any memories, they are what others have told me as I listen to their retelling of the stories. So, in essence, my memories of an event that involved me are not my own memories but those of others that involve me.

This realization makes me wonder about the nature of memories and how we form them today. With advancements in technology and the prevalence of social media, we often capture moments and share them online. We take countless photos, record videos, and document our experiences in various ways. But are these digital footprints truly representative of our memories? Are they real memories?

In a world where we rely heavily on external sources to store and recall our experiences, it raises questions about the authenticity of our memories. We can easily access photographs, videos, and written accounts of events, but do they truly capture the essence of what we experienced? Or do they merely provide fragmented glimpses, lacking the depth and richness of a genuine memory?

Additionally, the act of sharing and retelling memories can influence our recollection of events. As we listen to others recounting their versions of the past, their emotions, perspectives, and biases inevitably shape our understanding. We may start to adopt their memories as our own, blurring the lines between personal recollection and borrowed narratives.

In a way, it feels both fascinating and unsettling to realize that our memories are no longer solely confined to our own minds. They are now intertwined with the memories of others, constructed through a collective storytelling process. We rely on external cues, anecdotes, and even digital records to reconstruct our past, leaving us to question the authenticity and reliability of our own recollections.

So, while the memories we create today may have a different nature than those formed in the past, they are still meaningful to us. They shape our identities, influence our perceptions, and provide us with a sense of continuity. Whether they are entirely "real" or not, they contribute to the mosaic of experiences that make us who we are. Perhaps what truly matters is not the source of our memories but the connections they forge and the stories they enable us to share with one another.

I was not 27 years old when I gave the answer to the voice that I was. The day everything changed, my husband witnessed a heartbreaking scene unfold before his eyes. As he stood there, helpless, he watched as his wife, barely recognizable, was carefully loaded into a helicopter, her chances of survival uncertain. Meanwhile, our daughter and granddaughter were rushed into an ambulance, destined for a different hospital. In that moment, my husband's world crumbled around him, as he was told that I might never regain my cognitive abilities, and even my personality could be altered forever. The weight of despair settled upon him, and he felt as if his entire life had been abruptly ripped away.

We traveled this journey together to overcome not only this day, but many more obstacles. It is the storms in life we have which provide us with the opportunities to learn, love and lift up as we continue to support all. We did, you can, we will, all do better together as we work to be the solution daily.

"I only have 2 rules!"
© 2024 Brenda Yoho
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