If you do not have trust in any relationship or environment, there is no chance it will last or work.

Have you ever worked in an environment where you did not trust those you worked with or worked for? If you have, you know exactly how it feels. While listening to an individual tell her story of the situation she had just been through, as tears formed in her eyes, my heart sank. No one needs to ever go through a time when they feel like this, making a choice over themselves or those they serve and deciding who they can trust.

It isn't easy in your work life when there is no trusting environment. You do not feel like you can take those risks to do extraordinary things for those you serve. Sometimes you are asked to do things you know are not right. What do you do when your boss tells you to do something you know is incorrect, does not follow legal guidelines, and is not in the best interest of those you serve? Do you do it to keep your job or not?

In the business world, education, and organizations, people work with us based on our reputations. It takes years to build up who we are, our beliefs, and our core values. Can an individual have enough influence to make others believe something untrue about you? I found an article that is not something I would typically select to read. However, it was fun to read, and the points below come from the article.

How do you know if your boss is working against you?

I have to say, I have had a boss with most of the above points. The article provides information on how to deal with these points. Excuse the language, especially in the title. It does get your attention.

Trust is an integral part of every relationship. As a boss or leader, you are gaining the trust of those you serve and it is the most crucial part of your work. Keeping that trust is what you work to do each day. When you are working in a high-stress level job or doing a job where knowing those above you and beside you will be there to support you is critical.

Everyone wants to feel good and safe while working to accomplish those two needs; trust has to be present. A friend shared the graphic below, and I think it represents leadership. What it should be and should not be.

Questions ?? YES

If you are in a large group setting, do you ask questions? I am asking this question because my next question is this: When you were in school, did your teacher encourage you to ask questions? For some of us, it may take a little more time to reflect on the days of sitting in a classroom as a student, but take the time to think back. How were questions asked of you, and how did you ask questions?

Now think about how you approach questions if you are a teacher, a leader, a parent, a friend, or a spouse. How different are your approaches or reactions to questions in these roles?

Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, written by Dr. Marilee Adams, tell us there are two mindsets the Judger and the Learner. Depending on the mindset we are in, this has a direct effect on the questions we ask ourselves and others.


As humans, we all have both of these mindsets at times. What is important is to identify when we have them and take time to change our questions to change the direction of the way we want to go.

Have you experienced negative self-talk before? “What was I thinking? How stupid was that of me to do?” When we have this judger mindset in our minds, we cannot focus on what we need to do to get our situation under control.

The importance of understanding these mindsets we all have is in learning how to balance them in life, how to identify when we are thinking, asking, relating or listening as a judger or a learner. In the workbook that goes along with the newly released 4th edition of Change your questions, Change your Life, you can complete a mindset check-in and work through the mindset identifications. It is a great piece and reflection time.


A child sitting in a classroom raises his hand to answer a question in class. All eyes turn to him. Inside he is asking himself, “Why did you raise your hand to answer the question? Everyone is looking at you, and if you get the answer wrong, they will all laugh.” The Judger has come out to pose questions before he has a chance to answer. He answers, and it is correct.

I talk a great deal about making efforts so that everyone feels good and safe where they are. Recognizing even at a young age, the mindsets of judger and learner are at work helps all of us know we need to help each other.

My Two Rules, everyone should feel good, and everyone should feel safe at school also needs to have two foundational pieces in the educational system: Social-Emotional Learning and Trauma-Informed practices. Every one of us has a story to tell, and our children have many to know before they arrive at school.

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are the traumatic and negative experiences children have had, but the positives they encounter can counteract some, and strategies we teach can prevent additional trauma.

It is Monday! What was your first thought of the day?

Did you know scientists claim humans have as many as 70,000 thoughts per day? However, many of those thoughts are negative, and 90% are repeated from previous days, which lead to bad habits, and biases and do not serve us well. Many of our thoughts happen automatically.

It is essential to our health to work on our thoughts and try to keep those negative thoughts from taking over. The more negativity we have, the less our brain produces the serotonin and dopamine needed for feelings of happiness and well-being. Negativity also increases the brain’s aging process.

So if we are going to have 90% of our thoughts be repeated, why are we not focused on making those happy thoughts—today, we work to create a happy thought at least every hour of the day. We will chase out negativity!

"I only have 2 rules!"
© 2024 Brenda Yoho
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